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Help for the grieving parent

Losing a child is probably the most devastating thing any parent can experience. For the parent's friends and family knowing what to say to a grieving parent can be very difficult.

First the don'ts. Don't avoid the grieving parent because you don't know what to say. Don't skip the funeral because you feel uncomfortable around the grieving parents. Say something about the family having other children as if they should not feel so bad about the one they lost.

Do let them express their feelings, all of them. Let them know that you understand their feelings, and don't try and tell them they shouldn't feel a certain way, i.e., guilty, angry, disappointed, etc. Share your experiences about the child with them. Don't avoid talking about the child. Instead, focus on the child's life and the magic he/she brought to your life.

Knowing what to say to a grieving parent is more than just saying the right words. Grieving parents are often disoriented and low on energy. They may have difficulty focusing and remembering things. Reaching out to them by calling and arranging a time to get together will help tremendously.

Providing meals and running errands can also be of tremendous help because these tasks may seem overwhelming to the grieving parent. Send a card with a personal message inside, or write a poem about the child. Finally, don't get offended if the grieving parent seems distant or distracted. This is normal and is not meant to offend you. While the grieving parent will never be the same, their loss will change them, they will learn to cope with their grief, but it will take time.

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